Oops she did it again-inspired millions of women around the world. This may be dramatic-but I know It’s real to me and other’s around me. Britney Spears started out in the 90’s with a Catholic school skirt and pig tails. I didn’t see the “sexiness” of the outfit, I just saw her. I was roughly six at the time, but oh man was I mesmerized. She looked stunning, the song was a hit, the tune was right, the dancing was hypnotic and I thought I could truly be her in ten years. I was very impressed-but I was also six at the time. I didn’t see the sexism around the industry she was now stepping into and I certainly didn’t see her sexiness. I just saw her-the music, the songs, the dancing and the beauty. I didn’t know much, but I knew I adored her. Hit after hit, CD after CD she was everything. I was too young to attend concerts according to my mother, but she encouraged me to put up posters, bought me every track, and even indulgenced in crazy fan merchandize. I was smitten, until suddenly I wasn’t. A marriage in Vegas, another Marriage, a divorce, a few kids and a messy party scene was all I ever saw of her now. She looked messy and as everyone put it, out of control. The head shave, the hospitals and the apparent drugs lead me away from her-but still secretly I was all in. “Blackout” was apparently at the height of her “breakdown”, yet to this day it’s my favorite work she has ever made. The black hair was now my world-the emo sexiness was in and I loved every minute. The bashing, and the headlines of “breakdowns” was all I saw-the story was much deeper then that but no one cared to explain it. “Circus” came out and was deemed her “come back”- a come back from where? What had happened to her? I needed answers and I was not getting them from school-mental health was not something discussed as openly as it is now and my parents didn’t understand either. They were raised differently-they were new to Canada, they didn’t understand. I wasn’t getting anywhere. It wasn’t until my early post secondary days at University that I began to understand what mental health was-what Britney may have been going through. I began experiencing anxiety myself and deep rooted depression that I didn’t understand. I shoved it down to the very bottom of my soul and never looked back. It wasn’t until a crises occurred in my life that it rushed back into my life-dangerous, fast, unpredicted and with no where to go. I didn’t treat it so it presented as me spiraling out of control with parties, booze and basically no self worth. I slept for that seemed months. I got through it and life moved forward-I understand myself now. Early in my twenties I declared myself a feminist and even now I still get a lot of stink about it. As if I can’t fight for women’s equality and marry a white male; as if my white male husband can not join the fight with me without being labelled weak or (may I say), “Pussywipped”. My mental health has gone up and down and I don’t apologize for it, but I simply understand it now. I see Britney Spears now. I see her for what she was, a victim. She was someone who was blamed, character assassinated, the poster child for “out of control”, the “example” of what not to do and the party girl. She was none of these things-she was the young girl who worked hard, she grew into her sexuality, explored it, went through phases, made mistakes, performed, kept it going, got back up, needed help, had some problems, was mis-understood, taken advantaged of, sexualized and above all was a victim. She was stacked by so many, but helped by none. She was lead to believe ultimate control over her was what she needed. She had a voice that was silenced, but all she wanted to do was to sing loud and clear. She will always be that hit maker for me, but today as a woman coming into her own at thirty she is now more to me. She is a clear example of life. She was growing up and it was labelled wrong. It was labelled as something either then life. She overcame and as I scroll photo’s last week of her Fairy Tale wedding as a free woman, I now know who she was to me. She was everything. She is a role model and most importantly she’s Britney Bitch.
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